lyptt

Developer, geek, and do-er of things.

Losing yourself

As I reflect on my week a thought's risen to the surface. It's quite easy to lose sight of the things you value most about yourself.

Anyone can have an opinion to share about what a shit person you are, how you can 'improve' to be someone they like more, how to 'fit in' more, but is that opinion really worth anything?

I realise now that I've pandered too much to these kinds of people. I've remembered how strong willed I used to be just a few years ago, and I'm not about to let that person disappear just because it offends a few people's sensibilities. It's far more valuable to me to be as genuine as possible. If people don't like me as I truly am, then that's better than having to lie through my teeth during every encounter with them.

I used to reflect like this a lot back then. Re-listening to the manics after a few years away (very necessary considering how much I overlisten to their music) has surfaced a lot of memories and feelings that have faded over time.

I feel like I've rediscovered who I really am. For a long time I've felt like something's missing, like I'm 'degrading' somehow. For the first time in a long time I feel whole.